Wordless Wednesday.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I just finished knitting stockings for Andrew and the guys.

2. I am a bit of a bah humbug this year because I really wish Andrew could be home for Christmas.

3. I have been enjoying the Jacksonville weather this week. With the exception of Saturday it's been sunny and gorgeous.

4. My mom wore an LSU shirt. I think hell froze over.
5. This totally Jacksonville classy. If you live here or have visited here you know what I'm talking about.
6. Christmas wine is out!!!!

7. This is the view from my front yard. I love living in nowhere's ville.

8. This is the dogs idea of sharing the sofa.

9. Tomorrow I am baking up a storm. I found a ton of cookie recipes on Pinterest I NEED to try and so the guys are getting lots of yummy baked goods in their Christmas package.

10. My cable is out so I've been re-watching all of the seasons of Gilmore Girls. I am on season 3 and yes I am awesome and do own all of the seasons.

Deployment Blues

*WARNING*

In this post I am going to complain about deployment. Yes I realized I am blessed to talk to my husband on a regular basis and to know he is relatively safe. However, I am human and somedays I just need to put it all out there. That being said if you don't want to hear it don't read it.

Today we are approximately 80% done with this stupid year long deployment. I should be excited about this, right? Instead, however, I am cranky about it. My husband was home just a few weeks ago for R&R why did he have to go back. The deployment is practically over anyway. It's hard to readjust after R&R. You would think that R&R is a nice and relaxing, but really it's a cheap whore. I loved having Andrew home and seeing his face, but it was such a tease it's not even funny. Two weeks isn't long enough for anything except upsetting your schedule and making you have to go through the deployment readjustment stages all over again. I'm very happy for my friends who have their husbands home or are getting their husbands back soon. BUT I hate that my husband has been gone long before theirs and will be home long after theirs. It just freaking sucks. I want someone to come walk the dogs because it's cold outside, take care of me when I'm sick, make me coffee in the mornings and cuddle with me at night.

On top of my deployment blues I'm cranky that LSU is about to play the game of the century versus Alabama and this is the day my freaking satellite chooses to go out. SERIOUSLY!!! My one guilty pleasure in life is sitting on the sofa, eating crap and yelling at LSU while they play football. I just want to mope in my comfy pjs and yell at some football. UGH!

Wine and Love

I'm linking up with Walking with Nora for her Wines and Loves.

Wines

*I'm ready for this deployment to be over. R&R was just a mean tease

*I'm sad that I didn't get to spend more time in MN with Andrea.

*I miss my family something fierce and wish that I was going home before Christmas, but it's just not in the plans for me.

Loves

*I'm glad I'm not in MN right now because evidently it's below freezing.

*I had the most amazing time with Andrea in MN and hope she'll be visiting me soon.

*Jimmy Johns on Western is open (YES!!!!)

*We are getting a Popeyes (DOUBLE YES!!!)

*Andrew will be home sooner then I know it and this deployment will be over.

*My husband is amazing at communicating with me any time that he gets the chance too and for that I'm very very thankful.

50 Q to free your mind. (46-50)

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Speak my mind more freely and stop second guessing myself.

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

Last night when I was laying in bed by myself.

What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

My husband and yes I have.

In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

Probably not so much.

Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

Some I am making for myself. Others are being made for me thanks to the United States Marine Corps

A promise.

A friend of mine posted this on her blog and it struck a cord with me. Everything written here is so true.

A Military Mans promise:

I cannot promise you every night of my life. I cannot promise to be beside you for every difficult moment, every trial, and every hardship. In truth, I can promise you that I will not be with you for most. I will leave you at inconvenient times. Any special date to us may be tainted with the anniversary of the death of one of my friends. I will ask you to take over whatever life we have built together for months and years at a time. And will then crash back into that life that you have used your sweat, your tears and your heartache to keep together, and try to take it back as I knew it before.

I will shut you out at times because it will be the best way for me to hold it together at that moment. I will lie to you. I will tell you I don't know things when I do. I will not always tell you where I am going, when I will be back, or who I am with. I may not call you for weeks and months and you will not be able to call me. You will ask questions that I won't answer. You will know answers to questions that you will hope you never need.

I will share things with my brothers that you will never understand. They will know things about me that you never will. They will be a support to me in some things that you cannot be. I will miss birthdays. I will miss anniversaries. I may need time to process things that seem natural to everyone else.

It will seem that someone - or something - will always take precedence over you.

I will uproot you and ask you to re-establish our family anywhere in the world, in any season, at any time - over and over again. Sand and mud will be tracked through your halls from the boots I am too tired to take off.

I will leave you when you beg me not to. I will stand at attention while you cry beside me. I will not turn my head and I will walk away. I will knowingly break your heart. And I will do it again - and again. I cannot promise you all of me. I cannot promise you much of anything.

But if you will have me, I can promise that as I march away from you, it is not without sharing your heartache. I promise you that every time I break your heart I will be breaking mine. Every time that I cannot answer you I will be protecting you. Whenever you want to call and you have no number to dial, I will be wanting to do the same. I will protect everything that we have created together with every fiber of my being while you do the same back at home. I will honor you in everything - every moment that we are apart and every moment that I am with you. I will fight harder and push further knowing that I do so for you. And I will carry you with me in everything, until my sandy boots once again sit just inside our door.

A Military Spouse's promise:

I cannot promise that I will not become frustrated when you leave me and the world seems to fall apart around me. I cannot promise that I will not curse those who sent you when the dryer breaks, and the transmission needs to be replaced, and the dog eats the couch all in the same week - most likely the week after you deploy. I cannot promise that the sand and mud that cakes my floor will not cause me to give you harsh looks and rude thoughts. I cannot promise that my heart will not be torn in twelve different ways when you march away from me. I cannot promise that I will not let my anger show when you refuse to answer questions. I cannot promise to understand why you share things with your comrades that you will not share with me. I cannot promise that there won’t be times when my heartache makes its presence known before my pride can mask it. I cannot promise that I will not show my worry and my concern when it is best for you not to see it. I cannot promise to understand why you do so many of the things you do.

I can promise that for as many tears of sadness and frustration and anger that are shed there will be double that of tears of pride. I can promise you that for every time you are away from me, I will learn to cherish the times that you are with me. In everything I will honor you and honor your sacrifice. I can promise to teach our children to do the same. I will use every moment that you are not with them to show them the amazing man that you are through my actions and my pride. I can promise that there will never be a night where you are not the subject of my final prayer and the keeper of my dreams. I promise to try to be understanding that there are many things I will never understand. I promise to keep you with me in everything and to do my best to keep grace in this life. I will be strong for you as you are strong for me and I will carry you with me in every moment until your sandy boots again sit just inside our door.

MilSpouse Fill in Friday

I want to go back to school to pursue my Masters in Social Work.

I have to clean my house because it's disgusting.

I wish could hire someone to clean my house for me.

I hope that my up coming trip is as much fun as I think it will be.

I wonder if my husband will call me soon. I miss his face.